Dealing With Relationship Phobia: When the Mind Says “No” to Love

When Karla met John, she thought she had found the love of her life. Not wanting to jump into a relationship right away, they decided to stay friends at first. They used to go out together to clubs, to dinners, and most of the time, they would just hang out in Karla's apartment watching TV or cooking. Karla was extremely happy for her "new friend" and slowly, she started developing feelings for him. Since in her mind she thought John also felt the same way, she shared with John her feelings. What she didn't know was that a simple "I think I am falling in love with you" was going to change the course of their "friendship" forever.

After telling John that she was falling in love with him, their friendship went sour. John started getting distant from her. He didn't call her as often as before, and they stopped hanging out together because, according to John, he was always busy at work. Karla felt terrible for damaging her chances of starting a serious relationship with John, but in reality she didn't damage anything; John was a declared relationship phobic and the thought of getting romantically involved with someone pushed him to run in the opposite direction, leaving Karla feeling used and rejected.

Relationship or commitment phobia is one of the most common phobias affecting people's lives. It refers to the anxiety, fear and avoidance that certain people suffer when getting romantically involved with other people. People suffering from this "social disease" tend to avoid falling in the traps of love and go through life jumping from one romantic relationship to another, leaving a trail of deception and broken hearts along the way.

It is commonly known that people who are suffering from relationship or commitment phobia may never allow themselves to fall in love and will try to prevent others from entering their lives. When this happens, they are not only putting a stop to their happiness, but it also makes them shut people out, creating a painful situation for other people as well.

There are many reasons for this type of phobia. Some of the reasons include previous abusive relationship experiences, child abuse or any other traumatic childhood experience, fear of rejection and abandonment experiences. When people experience one of these scenarios, it is very common for them to develop attachment issues or in this case relationship or commitment phobia.

The most common signs of relationship or commitment phobia are:

·         An uncontrollable feeling of anxiety when thinking about love

·         Fear of being "attached" to someone

·         A sudden feeling of "trapness" in a relationship

·         An inexplicable urge to sabotage a romantic relationship

·         Not being able to trust anyone who shows romantic feelings toward them

·         The tendency of pulling back as soon as they start falling in love

·         A history of unfaithfulness in romantic relationships

Let's face it my friends - love is the most beautiful feeling a person can experience in life and being able to love and be loved is one of the best gifts you can ever receive and also one of the best gifts you can ever give to another person. If you are showing signs of relationship/commitment phobia, I invite you to stop sabotaging your romantic life and look for help. It is time for you to start enjoying other people's company without feeling scared or anxious about it. Allow love to become an active participant in your life and life will show you its purpose.

About the Author:

Marielys Camacho-Reyes is a career/life coach and the author of the book “Successful Coaching: 20 Tips for a Better Life and Career Performance.” If you would like to receive a one-time free coaching session, visit her website at www.mcrcoaching.com or email her at success@mcrcoaching.com