The day Lori
discovered that her husband was having an affair, she thought she was in a bad
dream and that after waking up, everything was going to be back to normal. The
sad part about this is that unfortunately, she was not living a dream. It was a
reality – she has just discovered that her husband of 13 years and the father
of her two children had an eight months extramarital affair with another woman.
She knew right there that her life was about to change forever.
Lori’s story is one of
the many sad stories involving infidelity. According to Marriage Builder (2011),
more than 50% of all spouses will become
victims of infidelity. What they mean about this is that five out of 10 spouses
will suffer the greatest marital pain possible at some point during their
lifetimes. As upsetting, hurtful, and devastating this experience could
be, there are many ways to overcome it. Life does not stop after an infidelity.
It is true that being in the receiving end of an infidelity can shift your life
around, but the important part here is to understand that it is not the end of
the world and if you are committed to make your marriage work, you can still
collect the pieces that are left and go pass that terrible experience.
Many people believe
that after an infidelity, the marriage will never be the same and that the
couple dealing with the experience will never be able to have a happy marriage.
Lori (the betrayed spouse mentioned at the beginning of the article) used to
think that way until she decided to fight for her marriage. “Our marriage was
never the same, but after deciding to forgive and forget and move pass my
husband’s infidelity, we were able to re-build the trust and create a stronger
marriage,” she said.
If like Lori you have
been the victim of an infidelity and have decided to fight for your marriage
but find yourself struggling with the whole situation, continue reading. Below are
some helpful tips to help you survive this experience and move on with your
life. Yes, finding out that your other half betrayed you could be a painful
experience, but what you do after you find out is what is going to establish
the course that your marriage is going to take.
·
Understand
why the affair happened: Talk to your spouse and together,
try to identify the reasons why your marriage situation pushed your other half
to fall in the arms of a third person. Only by identifying those areas that
need improvement is that both of you will be able to fix them. This is not an
easy thing to do and will require both of you to be honest with each other but
the reality is that something may not be working properly in your marriage if
the other person had the necessity to be with other people.
·
Commit
to each other to re-build the trust: Make a point of making
each other happy and working hard in rebuilding the marriage trust. This will
sound corny but make your spouse the center of your world and become the center
of his/her world. Show the world that you are meant to be together and that not
even a bad experience will ever destroy what you guys have. Again, another difficult
decision, especially after experiencing all the pain but it can be done if you
decide to fight for your marriage.
·
Leave
the past where it belongs – in the past: As simple as
that. You will never be able to
change what happened so try to forgive and NEVER
bring that experience back into your marriage discussions. Not even when you
feel like getting back at your spouse after he/she did something to get you
upset. I am not saying that you will be able to forget because unfortunately,
you will never forget what happened but you can forgive and try to start a new
chapter in your marriage.
·
Seek
professional help: Seeking the help of a marriage
counselor is a resource that you should consider. Talking to a professional who
can provide impartial suggestions and guidance could be the difference between
spending years trying to re-build your marriage with no luck or successfully
putting everything in the pass and moving on with your life.
·
Understand
that rebuilding your marriage trust will take time: Moving
pass the affair and working in rebuilding the trust in the marriage are very
time consuming, frustrating, and stressful tasks to complete. The important
part here is to understand that it is completely normal to feel that way and
that it will take time to rebuild that trust, but if all the parts involved
work together in rebuilding the marriage, before you even know it, you once
again will be living a happy and stronger marriage.
Let’s be honest - an
infidelity is one of those experiences that could easily break the strongest
person in earth, but if you want to make your marriage work and you are willing
to forgive and create a better marriage, deciding to “survive it” and to move
past the experience could be the most important decision that you will ever
make in your life.
If you are going
through a rough path in your marriage due to an infidelity, today I invite you
to gather all the pieces and decide what is that you want to do with them. You
have two choices; either you throw those pieces in the garbage and start a new
life or try to put the pieces back together and rebuild your marriage. The fact
is that only you can make that decision and only you know what is best for you
so go ahead and do it but make sure that whatever decision you make is the one
that is going to make YOU
happy.
Let’s face it my
friends - sometimes life experiences are not fair and could bring a lot of pain
a deception into our lives but living them, surviving them, and using them as
tools not to make the same mistakes again will be the key for our success.
About the Author:
Marielys
Camacho-Reyes is a career/life coach and the author of the book “Successful Coaching: 20 Tips for a Better
Life and Career Performance.” If
you would like to receive a one-time free coaching session, visit her website
at www.mcrcoaching.com or email her at
success@mcrcoaching.com
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